TMI Thursday

WARNING: The following contains TMI. If you are not interested in reading about lady issues, do not proceed.  Also, there's no pictures on this one, because, really, GROSS.


Maybe TMI Thursdays will be my thing. Doesn't that just sound awesomely awful?


"Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy."
Something Else to Worry About


So, I'm on the rag. And it blows. I hear not everyone suffers quite as much as I do, and I'm sure there are some that suffer more (poor souls), but I'll tell you, this is bad.

I first got my period Mother's Day '95.  Is it weird that I know that? And it's been an awful ride ever since.  There were times as a teenager when I had to crawl around my house because I was in so much pain.  When I worked in retail, I scheduled my days off around my 1st two days of my cycle.  It was either that or help customers while hunched over in pain.  Not to mention the part where I'd likely be telling them off.  Even when I was on the pill, my periods were heavy and painful.  What the hell, Pill? I wanted you more for that reason than preventing pregnancy!

After suffering through monthly periods for 2 years while on pills that shall remain nameless, my gyno finally said, "Have we ever discussed skipping periods?"  Which I replied, "I'll take it."  The woman could have told me that smoking crack daily will cause me to only menstruate 4x a year and I would have taken it.  So I went on Seasonelle and for the last 6 1/2 years that's the bliss I lived in.  Well, sort of.  I was still miserable those 4x a year but it was a hell of a lot better than giving up a full WEEK monthly!

Well, hubby dearest and I, after almost 2 years of marriage and nearly 10 years together, finally had a conversation about having a family in May.  Not sure I can technically call it a conversation.  While hammered on a cruise we took in May, the husband looked at me and said, "I'm ready."  I told him that we would need to have that conversation when we were sober.

Then sober but still on the cruise, we had the same conversation the next day.  I was really excited.  A little something about me: Ever since I could have children--so I guess, Mother's Day '95--I've wanted them. Luckily for me, I had loving, caring, controlling parents, so that was never going to happen.  Never even got laid until I was 18 and it was with the man I would eventually marry. Did I mention TMI?

When we got back from the cruise, that brave, excited, soon-to-be-father-of-my-children reverted back to the scared, broke, wimpy husband that I had been having the family conversation with prior to the cruise.  When I brought it up one last time, he was having second thoughts. Of course! So we had to beat that one to death.  The truth was I knew that if it was possible for me to get pregnant by accident, he would be excited and ready when I did.  But I was on the pill, which I took perfectly, so chances were 99.9% it would not happen by accident and we needed to sit down and make a conscious decision to start trying.  In the end, he was ready and I finished my last packet of Seasonelle in the end of May.

Well, 31 days later, I had my first natural cycle in nearly 10 years. Oh, how it reminded me how much I hated being on the rag monthly. I suffered. I laid in bed for a full day with my legs elevated and a heating pad rotating from my abdomen to my back.  Bonus: When I was on the pill, my periods started during the week. The husband never got to see first hand how much I suffered. Since this one started on a Saturday, he actually got to see the pain in my eyes--not to mention the skeptical that is me positioning myself in bed.  I've noticed a little more compassion since then. I stress LITTLE.

Well, 28 days passed after that first natural cycle. Then 31--which I was convinced was my cycle--passed.  Then 35 passed. So I invested in a home pregnancy test.  By the time 52 days had passed, I had taken 7 home pregnancy tests. All negative.

The truth is I've never experienced that feeling when a woman gets her period and is relieved. Periods always equal misery to me and now with the hope of getting pregnant (Remember: something I've wanted for 16 years), it's like a double whammy. I'm not pregnant and I'm about to suffer for the next week. Awesome. Except not.

On day 53, I got my double whammy. I am not happy about it. And I suffered for the last 24 hours.

Hopefully, this blog will get to follow my journey of starting a family and all the pain and beauty that comes along with it.  Remember, don't tell my family--especially the in-laws. They're a bunch of blabber mouths. But, I guess for now, I'll just have to Let It Bleed.