Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Still No Clue What I Want to be When I Grow Up

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
 George Eliot

At 28, I might be going through some sort of life crisis.  I pretty much have a new idea of what I want to be when I grow up once a week.  There are a core few that I always return to, but let's be honest. I don't know too many kids that say "When I grow up, I want to be a recruiter!"

The only thing I've ever wanted to be was a mother. Well, that and an Academy Award winning actress. So career dreams were pushed aside.  I always knew that my work was never going to be as important to me as my family.  I guess it was hard to motivate myself to focus on a career knowing that if I ever needed to, I would drop it in a second.

So, one of the things that I always go back to is a photographer.  It varies what kind of a photographer--usually either a wedding photographer or a photojournalist or of course, a celebrity photographer (like Annie Leibovitz not like a paparazza).

I've had a passion for photography for a long time.  I took classes with a wonderful teacher in high school.  I learned a lot and had a lot of fun.  As soon as I started taking photography classes, I began to see everything in pictures.  I see the shot in every scenario, but unfortunately, I don't have my camera with me all the time and miss a lot of the good ones.

I brought my camera with me this weekend and took some pictures while on the St. Arnold's Galveston Pub Crawl.  The lighting in this bar was so cool and I knew that someone without a background in photography wouldn't appreciate it.  The pictures below were taken naturally, no filters or manipulation after the fact.

File photos. What do you think? Any raw talent there?
I've always been creative--please do not mistake creative for talented. After starting college with plans to study Math, I told my mother that I wanted to study photography. Let's just say during our screaming match, I wasn't too far from being left on the side of the NJ Turnpike.  I understand she was only doing what she thought was best for me. That's a tale for another day...

Today, I signed up for a photography class.  It's another intro. Last I took a photography class was 7 years ago. I can use the refresher.  Once I signed up today, I became really excited.  I'd really like to hone my skills and hopefully even learn to take good pictures of humans (currently my specialties are landscapes and pet photography).
 
So, maybe I can be a photographer when I grow up...

I also have a wedding planner venture going on--even have a client.

Oh, and I came up with an idea for a really great website. I just need to come up with a business plan.

And not sure if you heard, but I'm also giving writing a try.  Once I'm discovered, I have THE BEST name for my memoir. I'm keeping that one just for me though.

So this is my somewhere between quarter-life and mid-life crisis.  I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life... or at least until babies come along.

TANGENT/SHAMELESS PLUG: I got to thinking how this class could possibly be another Fresh Start... Again. And since I brought it up, for those of you wondering, I did lose some weight in my first week of doing it my way. It was less than a pound and I'm really proud of myself! I'm just going to keep on keeping on

Finally just for fun:
I wanna have boobies... Yeah, I went there. And, by the way, I'm not as big of a PCD fan as my blog makes seem to be!

Monday, August 29, 2011

No, Not My Hometown!

The other day, in honor of my home state, I posted some pictures that I took of the Jersey Shore.  The warnings were severe for Irene. There were mandatory evacuations throughout the state.  Now that I live in the Gulf, I was hesitant to believe all the hype.  Was it really going to be that bad or was the media sensationalizing it for ratings? I couldn't decide.  The more I thought about it though, the more I defended the East Coast.

Yes, when it "snows" (read that as light dusting) in Houston, I've laughed how the entire city shuts down.  But this last winter, which was brutal for everyone but in particular hit the East Coast pretty hard, someone pointed out that Houston doesn't have anything to prepare for big snowfall.  So, yeah, the city shuts down for just over an inch of snow but there's no way to plow/salt the roads and there are A LOT of inexperienced snow drivers in the area.  It finally hit me.  Pretty much, Houston has to shut down.

 Internet Photo. I couldn't resist a Houston dog sitting in snow.
Yes, Northeasterners, this is what I'm referencing that shuts down the city.
But I repeat, if not prepared, what else should we expect?

Well, the same can be said for the parts of the East Coast that were hit with Irene.  I never knew what hurricane season was until I moved to the Gulf.  There's no preparation back home like there is here.  We have supplies for a hurricane in our house; we have hurricane boards measured for our windows; we will soon have a generator.  These concepts were completely foreign to me until I moved here--and I'm typically prepared for the unexpected!

I spent most of Saturday defending the evacuations and reactions of the East Coast.  "Sure Manhattan evacuated, it IS an island!"  "This isn't something that typically happens. They're not prepared." Etc, etc, etc.

We watched the coverage on Saturday night.  Irene seemed to be a bit less of a bitch than originally thought.  She hit North Carolina at a Category 1.  Knowing that Ike was a Category 3--while yes, it was severe, it wasn't as bad as it could have been--I assumed this meant the East Coast was relatively safe.

By the time I woke up Sunday morning, I had essentially pushed it out of my head.  And then I started trolling Facebook.  That's when I saw this picture of the Garden State Parkway at the exit that runs through my hometown.

 Internet Photo. The shot that made me realize how bad Irene had hit the town I love most in the world.

I had never seen the Parkway flood before.  I started to panic.  I called my father and found out that his house was under water.  He went through a wide range of emotions in the short time we were on the phone. Anger. Sadness. Acceptance. He said that he was one of the "lucky" ones on his block because the water didn't hit his first floor.  At the time I spoke with him, the water was a foot shy of the first floor and he wasn't sure if it was going to continue to rise.  He told me that the water went way farther out than Hurricane Floyd.

 File Photo. My father's house.
He took this as a neighbor was canoeing him over to the house to see the damage.

I started calling friends.  Most of my friends are out of my hometown now but their parents still live in the houses they grew up in.  These are the houses I know. The ones that we have so many memories in.  Some friends were spared.  Others were not.

 Internet Photo. Of all the shots I saw online, this one I found the most chilling.
The river just expanded all the way through town.
The police station had to be evacuated.

I went online this morning and looked through photos of my hometown.  It was really sad to see.  I think that it's normal to have a genuine love for where you grew up.  But I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes when I looked at the downtown.  I grew up in such a wonderful place and although I decided to move away (Note: this choice was made due to circumstances. It's still my favorite place on Earth), it broke my heart to see the town in so much despair.  There are supposed to be generations after me making their own memories on the same wonderful streets.

Irene may not be categorized as a Katrina or an Ike but for the families back home, it's all too real destruction.  If you happen to be reading this from a place that typically gets hit by severe hurricanes, please understand that there are a lot of small towns that make up the Mid-Atlantic and New England. Sure, New York City didn't get hit as badly as everyone feared, and that seems to be what the national news is reporting. But remember, there are a lot of people in those small towns that did get hit really hard.  My heart goes out to them--those I know and those I've never crossed paths with.

Friday, August 26, 2011

No, Not the Jersey Shore!

Just sharing a few shots from my trip to the Jersey Shore in July. Stay safe, Jersey! Hoping Irene won't turn out to be as big of a bitch as they're saying.


 








This has been stuck in my head since I saw someone write Come On, Irene.

It's Barely Lunchtime & I'm Already Over Today

So, BIG NEWS! I told my husband that this blog exists.  Yes, for the last two weeks, I didn't tell him because I planned to use this as an outlet for when I'm frustrated with him--he's very sensitive and I would never hear the end of it if he read anything less than flattering about himself--and of course, his mother. Now, we haven't touched upon that issue but that most certainly will be a big one.  Maybe one day, when I have the energy to write about the hurtful things that have happened to me over the last 10 years.  Let's just say, those of you reading this may be a fan, but she is NOT a fan of me.  This has little to do with me and more to do with the fact that I "stole her only son." Oh, Cheeses!

Anyway, to get to why my Friday--undoubtedly the best day of the week--has shaped up to be one I can't wait to be over.  I had a few things to do this morning before I began work.  My dog, Nikki, had to go for her 2nd shot for a vaccination. Well, she was supposed to go Tuesday but I didn't know that until Tuesday.  Side note: Apparently the Reminder call from my vet comes on the same day the shot is due. Awesome. Anyway, I have two dogs, and I love them a lot <--- Bit of an understatement.  So when I have to take one of them to the vet, that means one of them has to stay behind.  So in my best effort to trick Stella, I filled her bone with peanut butter, grabbed my purse, and scurried out the door where Nikki was waiting for me. Not until I closed the door tightly behind me did I think, Are my keys in my purse? But as soon as I thought it, I knew the answer.

So, my keys and Stella were in the house and purse, cell phone and Nikki were outside with me. While I still had that bad gut feeling, I knew there was nothing to worry about. My husband has a spare key hidden in the garage. So I walk around to the front of the garage, type in the code, press Enter, and NOTHING. Oh, I must have thought of the wrong code. So I tried another one. NOTHING. This is a joke, right? Maybe I'm on Candid Camera (THROWBACK. For those of you younger than me, that's like Punk'd only without Ashton Kutcher and his celebrity friends). So I look at Nikki and she's just wagging her tail at me. She's precious. I try a couple of more times and still nothing.

 File photo. This is Stella asking, 
"Hey, why aren't you guys in here? 
Or even better, why aren't I out there playing with you two?"

I walk back to the yard where my purse is and call my husband. I must have the code wrong and besides, I was going to have to call him anyway because I have no idea where the key's hidden once in the garage. He spits out the same code back to me that I already tried. Uh, oh. I try several more times. My fake nails begin hurting because of the way I'm jabbing them into the numbers. NOTHING.

Thank goodness, last year, we were late getting home one night and asked AMAZING friends of ours to let the dogs out. To do this, we walked them through getting in the garage and getting the key. When all was said and done, I told them to keep the key. We had plenty of extras and it was just the better bet.  So I called her up, she had one strange looking key on her ring that she couldn't identify and over she came. To save our day.

It was the right key. Wouldn't that be an awful twist if after I call my friend to come over before work to let me in the house, she makes the trip to find out it's not the key at all? I guess that experience could have been worse.

So away we went to the vet. Nikki hopped into the car completely unsuspecting. She's so sweet and it kills me when she gets excited to go out but really we're going to the vet. We get to the vet, and there's a beautiful dog already in the waiting room. I ask the owner if it's okay to approach. She says of course. The dogs start sniffing each other--seems to be going well. And then BAM! I have no idea what happened but they ended up in a scuffle. I wouldn't say a fight but still. I could have done without this. We pull them apart. They go in the back.

When we get called, Nikki is terrified. She shakes like a leaf. I have no idea why. She's been scared since the very first time I ever brought her. She gets a couple of shots but other than that she barely gets touched. When she was 3 months old and just 20 lbs, I brought her for her checkup when we first adopted her. She was on the table because she was so little then. She LITERALLY leaped into my arms. I was holding her like a baby that's being burped. If you haven't figured it out, she's a bit of a Mama's girl.

So she gets her booster for the vaccination and away we go. She gets in the car lays down (usually she begs for the window to be opened) with her back to me. She's mad at me. Now, if you think I'm crazy, I assure you, Nikki is just like her Mama (me). She wears all her feelings right on her face. She was mad at me and this was her telling me she wasn't speaking to me. It just breaks my heart.

File photo.  This is a shot of Nikki after the first time I took a long weekend to NJ.
Notice her expression, she is MAD that I left her.
You can't tell me this girl doesn't know how to express her feelings.

We get back home. I barely make it in time for my 10 o'clock call. And then my workday is finally beginning.  I've busted my hump all week and I'm just NOT in the mood for it today. It would have been nice when my friend opened my door if I could have just walked right passed her and gotten right back into bed.

Well, here's hoping to a better weekend... TGIF

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

A Glimpse into a Chubby Transplant's Past

This morning, my radio show had a really interesting topic.  Well, at least it was interesting to me.  They said that the students that are going off to college this fall as Freshman were born in 1993.  Ok, first may I say, GROSS.  But their point was that this was the same year that Michael Jordan retired from basketball.  These teenagers have never watched a game where Michael Jordan played.  Weird.

Here is a list of some of the topics discussed on the '93 episode of VH1s I Love the '90s (from Wikipedia) along with my personal opinion--I mean hey, it is my blog:

  • Jurassic Park  I went through a pretty serious Jurassic Park phase. The triceratops was my favorite dinosaur, and as a spoiled only child, I almost immediately had a ton of triceratops crap.
  • Where's Waldo? When I just looked this up, it was news to me that Where's Waldo? started in 1993. As far as I was concerned until about 5 minutes ago, a world didn't exist without Where's Waldo? I spent a LOT of time looking for that goofy striped-shirt geek. And honestly, even at this age, if I see a book at a doctor's office, I can't resist.
  • Martin I LOVED this show. Like a LOT. Whenever I see Tisha Campbell (had to look up her name as I write this), I always immediately think, 'Hey, that's Martin's wife."
  • Free Willy Ummm, can you say obsessed? I still now every word to this song.
  • John and Lorena Bobbitt I probably shouldn't know this since I was only 10. But my mother's a cop and I'm an old soul. So basically, I know a lot about major crime stories from the '90s. Still not sure I can blame Lorena...
  • Blind Melon's "No Rain" I don't know if this is a Houston thing but I still hear this song on the radio. Is it really 18 years old? And by the way, that bumble bee girl is a grown up now too.
  • The Waco Siege Again, I know too much about news stories when I was young. But I've learned more as an adult. I took a class in college on cults and we covered it there. And of course, I've seen my share of true crime shows based on it.
  • Mighty Morphin Power Rangers I remember thinking I was soooo old for them. That makes me laugh.
  • Crystal Pepsi (originally introduced in 1992) Listen, when it comes to Coke or Pepsi, I'm a Pepsi fan all the way. It's like that Dos Equis commercial, I don't always drink soda, but when I do, I drink Pepsi. So I tried Clear Pepsi when it came out. I was sick (unrelated) but always associated the burning sensation down my throat with the soda rather than my illness. I never bought it again. And I guess neither did a lot of other people. 
 My awesome '93 Collage that I made for the post. I'm so talented.

So there's a glimpse into my world in 1993. For the record, my favorite song of '93.

So, babies born that year are now headed to college.  Ten years ago this month, most of my friends and I were going off to college. I cannot believe it's been 10 years. I remember that summer like it was yesterday.  Some of the most fun I've ever had happened that summer.  And of course, it was the summer I fell in love with the man I would eventually marry.

 File photo. Class of 2001.
That's me in the 2nd row with the shades on.
You know, the one without the face blacked out.

How the hell did time go so fast?

Here's the Wikipedia list from VH1s I Love the New Millennium (I must have been off of VH1 by the time this was out because I didn't know it existed) for 2001 plus my 2 cents:

  • Zoolander Definitely still one of my favorite movies. My husband and I quote it often. "Is this a center for ants? It's needs to be at least 3x bigger than this!"
  • Live with Regis and Kelly  I heart Kelly. Never really a fan of Kathy Lee. Maybe it's a generational thing.
  • Low-rise jeans The worst thing that could ever happen to a girl with a curvy body. These damn things didn't help my image issues at all.
  • Fear Factor Gross. Never a fan of this show.
  • Pearl Harbor Part of that awesome summer included this movie. I tried to watch it the other night and my husband complained the whole time. Still don't know if it holds up 10 years later. He made me change the channel.
  • iPods Yeah, I had one of the originals--purchased in 2002 though. It was part of the battery class-action lawsuit.
  • The Weakest Link Wasn't a big fan of the show but enjoy some good trivia and watched my fair share of episodes.
  • Moulin Rouge! Nope. Didn't like. Had a lot going for it--same director as one of my absolute favorite movies, Romeo + Juliet, 80s music. But just wasn't a fan. My husband, however, definitely a fan. Good thing this is anonymous. He would not approve that I just wrote that.
  • Mýa, Pink, Lil' Kim, & Christina Aguilera's "Lady Marmalade" BEST THING THAT CAME FROM THAT MOVIE! LOVE!
  • Winona Ryder shoplifts Definitely remember this. Never really had an opinion. As a strict rule follower, the only thing I ever shoplifted was a plastic ring that was part of a plastic horse doll toy. I was 5 and remember it, so what does that tell you about how I felt about it?
  • Shaggy & RikRok's "It Wasn't Me" Can picture myself driving to the party store that I was working at at the time in the Mustang and this playing. It's funny how music can take you back like that, right?
  • America comes together following 9/11 This was a very difficult time for me. I will probably do a post on this around the anniversary.
FUN FACT: While looking up 2001, I found that Wikipedia was created that year. How appropriate.

Also, here's my favorite #1 single of 2001. And in case your judging, yes, that made me laugh too.

Well, feel free to share any memories from those two years.  I had fun with this post. I may just do it again.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Fresh Start... Again

So I decided today is going to be the first day (again) on my journey to lose weight.  What I've realized in all my journeys so far (calorie counting, cereal diet, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, etc) is that I need to slow down when it comes to weight loss.

Here's the story about how I yo-yo and how I hope to stop:

I moved to Texas in September 2008.  In the four months I was unemployed, I gained 20 pounds. This brought me to the heaviest I had ever been in my life.

I started working in January 2009.  By February, I was determined to lose the weight for my wedding in July. I was on a strict diet of cereal with fruit for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a sensible dinner. I worked out 6 days a week. And in all that time, I might have had 2-3 pieces of chocolate.

By July 18, I lost almost 30 pounds and because I was working out, I looked fit too.  My goal had been to lose 40 pounds, so I did not appreciate how great I looked.  I wanted to look like that picture of me when I was 18.


File photo. This is my husband and I on our honeymoon.
I thought I was so fat when this was shot.
That's why I'm turned to the side with my hand on my hip--all tricks of the chubby girl photo trade.

After our wedding, something inside me snapped.  I deprived myself of so many things for so long that it's all I wanted to eat. From August through December, I ate everything in sight and gained 35 pounds.  Yup, gained everything I lost and added some--just for good measure, I imagine.

This brought me to the heaviest I had ever been (again) in my life.  I had to do something fundamentally different this time.  I knew a lot of people that were very successful on Weight Watchers. So in January 2010, I joined WW. And I was good at it.  Weighing in every week really lit a spark under me.  By July, I lost 31 pounds.

I was in my best friends wedding on September 2. Because I never made it to goal, I was very much under the impression that I was still fat.  I didn't appreciate what I had accomplished and therefore had no idea that I had something to be proud of in that moment.  I was almost in tears while I was getting ready that day.  I only saw the flaws.

File photo. A shot of me and the bride AKA my best friend.
Again, I just calmed myself from a nervous breakdown when this was taken.
I thought I was so fat.
BTW, I did the bride's hair. Totally adding that to my resume!

Well, when I got back, I continued to eat and stopped being so devout to WW.  If I was already fat, what would it matter if I continued to eat?

I gained all the weight back. Every last pound.

At the beginning of this year, I considered starting over with WW. But the truth was I was very unhappy with where I was in life. No matter how much I wanted to see the number on the scale go down, I could not motivate myself to change my habits.  I eat when I'm unhappy. I was unhappy every day for the first 5 months of this year (Work related. Just couldn't beat it).

I quit my job and spent some time in limbo. No excuse for not losing weight other than I just didn't want to.  I was in another friend's wedding in July.  I lost a few pounds for that but still those pictures show the heaviest I have ever been captured on film.

 File photo. A recent shot of me at a friend's wedding.
I'm standing with an old friend of mine.
With all his weight/image issues, he's become a twig!
This does NOT help with mine.

This morning, I woke up and thought, I'm sick of this. I can't keep yo-yoing. The only thing I can think of is that I can't lose weight so quickly. Thirty pounds in 6 months is too fast and I've done that a couple of times now.  All it equates to is giving up too soon and having no self control to avoid gaining it back.

My goal that I am setting today is that I will lose 5 pounds per month.  I think this is more manageable and I can handle this.  I think at this rate I will still be able to eat my football goodies (a major weakness of mine) on Sundays and as long as I'm reasonable for the rest of the week, I can attain this goal.

So wish me luck. Because today, I'm giving myself [another] fresh start.

I'll keep you posted.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

What Being a Grown Up Means

One of the ways I think my in-laws screwed up my husband (get used to hearing that) is that he's a grown man and he still does a lot of things that he's "supposed" to do but that he doesn't want to do. I think it's kind of bizarre although maybe this is just the way my parents screwed me up... Nah, it's definitely them.

 File photo. My husband (center) and In-Laws.
Not sure if you can tell, but seriously, my husband is HOT!

I was raised so that I would want to do things that I'm supposed to do.  Maybe this isn't true 100% of the time but doesn't that just make me human. I guess there are the occasions when I take the high road even though I don't want to but that's just good social skills.  Sometimes I don't do things that I'm supposed to do because I don't want to.  Here's the weird thing, the world keeps turning and the birds keep chirping.  Weird.  

So, last night, we watched The King's Speech. Not because he or I wanted to see it but because he thought he was supposed to see it.  It won the Academy Award for best picture last year--that's always a big one for him.  See, we're not exactly the intellectual type when it comes to our movie watching and we often do not like the movies that get all the critical acclaim.  Some of our favorite movies are Anchorman, Waiting, Bad Boys, and Iron Man.  That's not to say that we don't like our occasional heavy drama--The Departed is up their tied for my favorite movie of all time with Forrest Gump. It's more to say that we're not likely to go see some artsy-fartsy movie by choice.  But there we were watching this slow, dialogue-heavy movie (the cinematography was incredible. The photographer inside me found it distracting).  Now it wasn't bad. In fact, I have a mini-crush on the royal family, so I was definitely more interested when I realized it was about Queen Elizabeth's father.  But still, I could have been happy the rest of my life having never seen it.

Internet Photo. This is a still from The King's Speech.
This is how the movie was shot.
The whole movie could have been still after still and then you watch the movie with a flip book.
Beautiful photography. I found it distracting in a movie.

Now this doesn't just happen with movies.  If that was all, it wouldn't be a topic worth typing about now would it?  The big one is with food.  Yes, I am chubby.  But my husband is a skinny twig with poor self-image issues (I assume just another way my in-laws screwed him up. Because as you've read, my self-image issues are most certainly attributed to my parents).  Folks, the truth is I live with a Food Nazi.

My husband one time brought home Brussels sprouts from the super market when I left the side dishes up to him.  I don't like Brussels sprouts. He doesn't like Brussels sprouts. He said we're supposed to eat them because they're good for us.  Let me take a moment to point out that I eat a lot of vegetables.  These were not brought home in place of some non-balanced meal that we would have otherwise eaten.  No, he brought them home because we're supposed to eat them.

We're also not supposed to eat non-breakfast foods for breakfast.  Some days I don't feel like eating breakfast food. I was never a big fan of waffles or pancakes.  Once in a while, I can go for some eggs. I usually eat cereal. But some mornings, I don't want any of that. So I'll eat some left overs from dinner the night before or a Lean Cuisine. This is not allowed when the husband is home. Side note: Breakfast food can be eaten at any time of the day.

One time when I was still living in NJ and he was living in TX, he called me at dinner.  I had just sat down with my stuffing and green beans.  Horrified, he told me, "Those are just sides!" Yeah, I know. But that's what I like so that's what I made.  Needless to say, since moving to TX I've only had "just the sides" for dinner on nights he didn't make it home.

He also does this weird thing with family.  Here's my thing about family.  As I mention in my About Me section, I come from two pretty dysfunctional extended families.  To me family isn't defined by the blood that runs through your veins but by the relationship you have with these people.  I have a lot of blood-family that I could run into on the street and never know it.  I also have a lot of friends that I consider family--far more of them than blood-family that I consider family.

My husband has some distant relatives that lives in Houston.  He doesn't know them at all. I'm pretty sure that they never met. They certainly weren't at our wedding although I am uncertain if they were even invited.  He's been talking about how we have to go see them because they're family.  Essentially, what I've been hearing is that we have to go meet these strangers.  They've never had a relationship before and I'm sure this wouldn't spark one up.  So, my husband has been telling me that we "are supposed to" go have one terribly awkward night.

I tell him constantly that being an adult means you can do what you want.  We're in this glorious time of our life between living with parents who are telling us what to do and living with children where we have to set good examples.  If I want to have a bowl of ice cream before dinner, Hell, if I want a bowl of ice cream FOR dinner, I can have it. I'm a grown up and I can do what I want.

 Internet photo. Yeah, I would definitely have that for dinner.

I almost titled this post Ice Cream for Dinner but changed my mind because I thought it gave away the ending. But then I realized I think that would make an awesome band name. I CALL IT!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

TMI Thursday

WARNING: The following contains TMI. If you are not interested in reading about lady issues, do not proceed.  Also, there's no pictures on this one, because, really, GROSS.


Maybe TMI Thursdays will be my thing. Doesn't that just sound awesomely awful?


"Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy."
Something Else to Worry About


So, I'm on the rag. And it blows. I hear not everyone suffers quite as much as I do, and I'm sure there are some that suffer more (poor souls), but I'll tell you, this is bad.

I first got my period Mother's Day '95.  Is it weird that I know that? And it's been an awful ride ever since.  There were times as a teenager when I had to crawl around my house because I was in so much pain.  When I worked in retail, I scheduled my days off around my 1st two days of my cycle.  It was either that or help customers while hunched over in pain.  Not to mention the part where I'd likely be telling them off.  Even when I was on the pill, my periods were heavy and painful.  What the hell, Pill? I wanted you more for that reason than preventing pregnancy!

After suffering through monthly periods for 2 years while on pills that shall remain nameless, my gyno finally said, "Have we ever discussed skipping periods?"  Which I replied, "I'll take it."  The woman could have told me that smoking crack daily will cause me to only menstruate 4x a year and I would have taken it.  So I went on Seasonelle and for the last 6 1/2 years that's the bliss I lived in.  Well, sort of.  I was still miserable those 4x a year but it was a hell of a lot better than giving up a full WEEK monthly!

Well, hubby dearest and I, after almost 2 years of marriage and nearly 10 years together, finally had a conversation about having a family in May.  Not sure I can technically call it a conversation.  While hammered on a cruise we took in May, the husband looked at me and said, "I'm ready."  I told him that we would need to have that conversation when we were sober.

Then sober but still on the cruise, we had the same conversation the next day.  I was really excited.  A little something about me: Ever since I could have children--so I guess, Mother's Day '95--I've wanted them. Luckily for me, I had loving, caring, controlling parents, so that was never going to happen.  Never even got laid until I was 18 and it was with the man I would eventually marry. Did I mention TMI?

When we got back from the cruise, that brave, excited, soon-to-be-father-of-my-children reverted back to the scared, broke, wimpy husband that I had been having the family conversation with prior to the cruise.  When I brought it up one last time, he was having second thoughts. Of course! So we had to beat that one to death.  The truth was I knew that if it was possible for me to get pregnant by accident, he would be excited and ready when I did.  But I was on the pill, which I took perfectly, so chances were 99.9% it would not happen by accident and we needed to sit down and make a conscious decision to start trying.  In the end, he was ready and I finished my last packet of Seasonelle in the end of May.

Well, 31 days later, I had my first natural cycle in nearly 10 years. Oh, how it reminded me how much I hated being on the rag monthly. I suffered. I laid in bed for a full day with my legs elevated and a heating pad rotating from my abdomen to my back.  Bonus: When I was on the pill, my periods started during the week. The husband never got to see first hand how much I suffered. Since this one started on a Saturday, he actually got to see the pain in my eyes--not to mention the skeptical that is me positioning myself in bed.  I've noticed a little more compassion since then. I stress LITTLE.

Well, 28 days passed after that first natural cycle. Then 31--which I was convinced was my cycle--passed.  Then 35 passed. So I invested in a home pregnancy test.  By the time 52 days had passed, I had taken 7 home pregnancy tests. All negative.

The truth is I've never experienced that feeling when a woman gets her period and is relieved. Periods always equal misery to me and now with the hope of getting pregnant (Remember: something I've wanted for 16 years), it's like a double whammy. I'm not pregnant and I'm about to suffer for the next week. Awesome. Except not.

On day 53, I got my double whammy. I am not happy about it. And I suffered for the last 24 hours.

Hopefully, this blog will get to follow my journey of starting a family and all the pain and beauty that comes along with it.  Remember, don't tell my family--especially the in-laws. They're a bunch of blabber mouths. But, I guess for now, I'll just have to Let It Bleed.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A Love Story

Cross the river to the Jersey side
Take my baby to the carnival
And I'll take her on all the rides
'Cause down the shore everything's all right
"Jersey Girl" Performed by Bruce Springsteen

I fell in love when I was a very young girl.  Maybe some would have said that I was too young to fall in love, but I did.  I fell hard. 

  File photo. Me at about 3 already madly in love with the Jersey Shore.

It was easy to fall in love with NJ.  Sure, it was all I knew but it was all I wanted to know.  As a kid, I got to spend summers down the shore and in the pool and winters playing in the snow.  I rode my bike and played outside for hours in the spring and fall.  All my friends were in walking distance.  The town where I grew up had a center where we hung out as teenagers.  We ate at diners and pizzerias.  We had season passes to Great Adventure.  I hopped on the train to get to the greatest city in the world, NYC.  I root for the Giants and the Yankees--don't you dare confuse me for someone that roots for the Jets and/or the Mets.  And most importantly, for the first 25 years of my life I NEVER pumped my own gas!


 File photo. This is what fall looks like.

I had a brief affair with California during my pre-teen years.  My grandmother lived in San Francisco at the time.  I was almost a 49ers fan--still love Steve Young!  I was convinced I would go to USC for college.  But I grew out of it.  California was just puppy love. What I have with NJ is true love.

Throw your stereotypes out the window.  I never met a soul from NJ that says "Joisey"; that's a Staten Island thing.  I have a little accent but nothing like the ones you hear on TV.  Don't ask me to say dog, talk, call, or coffee and you'll never know where I'm from.

I made a decision with the man I love that I would leave the only place I knew, the place I loved.  I was supposed to be the girl that never left.  I liked that.  But the love of my life was in Houston and I wanted to be in the same state as him for the first time in our relationship.  I did most of my packing within 2 days before leaving.  I am not the type to procrastinate.  I just thought the longer I put it off the less likely it was that I would be leaving.  The day before I left, with 5 people in my apartment--including my future husband--I locked myself in the bathroom and balled my eyes out.

Of course, I wasn't just leaving the only place I loved but I was leaving a lot of people I loved.  I went to college 17 miles away from my home.  My parents are two of my best friends in the world.  I saw them several times a week.  How was I going to leave them 1500 miles behind?

It was something I wanted to do.  Even more so, probably something I needed to do.

I was definitely in shock when I got to Houston in September '08.  Partially because a week and a half later Hurricane Ike, the most devastating hurricane to hit the city in over 20 years, hit Houston/Galveston.  But even after that, I was still in shock.  I didn't have a job.  I was surrounded by highways, rather than small towns.  The Gulf coast is VERY different from the Jersey shore.  Oh, and Houston is noticeably flat.  Who notices that, right?  Trust me.  The only hills around here are the ones that are man-made.  There are only 2 seasons, summer and fall.  Natives will tell you differently but trust me, that's it.

I spent my first Christmas Eve locked in a closet, crying, and calling my mother.  That was nice of me, make sure I drag my mother into it.

In January, I found a job and after some time, I started making friends.  With friends, I started to become less home sick.  Houston wasn't replacing home but it was starting to become another one.  In July, we were married in NJ, of course.  And by August, we had our first child.  We adopted Nikki, an American Bulldog mix, from a local rescue.  My father spent Thanksgiving with me that year--our first holiday that we had woken up together for since I was a young child.  Christmas was hard again but not locking myself in the closet was an improvement.

 File photo. Nikki (left) & Stella (right). 
Finally found an excuse to post a picture of my girls.
Expect more of these.
By February, we brought home our 2nd child, Nikki's littermate, Stella.  Now we were in an 2-bedroom second floor apartment with two large dogs (50 & 75 lbs at the time).  It is easy to love Texas in the winter.  Beautiful weather for 6 months. Windows opened for nearly that entire time.  No bugs.  My husband and I talked about how it would be so much easier for us to make a life here than in NJ--the original plan had always been to go back--because of the cost of living.  We started eyeing the prices of homes and couldn't believe how much we could get for so little.  We decided it was best for our children for us to stay.  So we began a search for a house.

We found one in May, closed on it in June, and moved in in July '10.  Our home is beautiful.  Sometimes I still look around in amazement about what we are living in at such a young age.  I haven't been homesick for NJ in a long time.

Then we went back to NJ last month for a friend's wedding and spent 2 days down the shore.  Being on beach did it.  For the first time, in a long time, I had that feeling in my gut. The one that says 'How is this not my home anymore? How are my kids not going to experience this?'  I dropped a bomb on my husband a couple of weeks ago.  I told him that I want to go back.  He was shocked.  I haven't talked like that in a long time.  I think he thinks it's a phase and it will go away.  Who knows, maybe it will.  He's ignored the fact that I said that.  He does that when he doesn't know how to handle a situation. He learned that from his family, just ignore uncomfortable situations. No need to address them.

File photo. From July trip. Beautiful Jersey water in the morning.
Whoever came up with Dirty Jersey never went to the Gulf.
Sorry, Gulf, but look what you're up against.
File photo. From July trip.
"Crowded" Jersey shore.  
Anyone from NJ can tell you this is a SLOW day!


File photo. Seaside boardwalk at night. From July trip.

It's almost like a break up.  I have to take one day at a time.  If I won't be with NJ today, I can handle it.  If I think that I'll never be with NJ again, it becomes overwhelming and I want it back.  Who knows what the future will hold.  I never would have thought that at 28 I would have lived in Texas for 3 years!  It still sounds unbelievable to me.

Whether we ever go back to NJ or not, the one thing that is undeniable is that I am a Jersey Girl through and through. Where I live will never change that.

One last thing about NJ, it is NOT shaped like a sock! 'Nuf said.

On a totally unrelated note, I had a dream last night where I was listening to New Kids on the Block, and I woke up with Cover Girl stuck in my head. Awesome.



Saturday, August 13, 2011

How to Not Get Any Followers

"Show a little more, Show a little less
Add a little smoke, Welcome to Burlesque"
For the Cher fan in all of us
Say what you will about the movie, but the music was great. Just can't go wrong with the Cher and Christina. Those are some serious chops!

What a weird way to start off, right? A quote from a song in a C-movie and I even included the clip.  This is definitely not the way to get any followers (SEE TITLE). Well, there's another glimpse into who I am. If I like it, I'm going to post it anyway. I love strong powerful female voices.  So in case any of you like them too, I shared it.

But the real reason I'm sharing that today is because last night we saw the Ruby Revue Burlesque Show in Houston. And what a fabulous show it was!  The girls were beautiful; the show was sexy and fun; the music was great; the company was alright (The hubby was in a mood. You would think that if his wife was taking him to see practically naked women that he'd be grateful. And that folks, is a glimpse into who my husband is).

 Internet Photo. Started the night off with Rated R.
Super sexy dance trio got everyone in the mood.

I'm not sure when my fascination with Burlesque started.  I remember reading about the Pussycat Dolls when I was a teenager and different celebrities would perform with them. Celebrating the female body with a sexy tease, it sounded like a lot of fun to me.  In fact, when PCD hit it big as a music group, I remember thinking, "They sing? Aren't they a dance troupe?" But hey, thanks PCD for the fun music in the mid '00s.

 Internet Photo. See PCD is/was a Burlesque act! Told you.

So last year, when the movie, Burlesque was released, I was pretty excited. I'm a fan of the headliners--Cher and Christina. So I saw it in theaters.  I would have loved it as a preteen. That I can say for sure. But I guess at this age, I want a little more from my movie. I can tell you though, everytime I had had too much with the cheese factor of it, Cher or Christina would belt out a number and they'd have me hooked again.

 Inernet Photo. I found it necessary to include a pic from the movie.
Maybe I should just admit I liked it more than I think.
Again, great soundtrack!

Then as fate would have it, I went to New Orleans in December. What a crazy weekend that was--not even sure if that's a story for another day.  I hope that saying is true for NOLA too: What happens in NOLA stays in NOLA. So our first night, my girlfriend (of 15 years!) and I hit up a burlesque show. It was different, fun, sexy and I'm sure we didn't nearly appreciate it as much as we could have since we were partially blinded by all the Hurricanes. At the very least, you can say it left me wanting more!

So when I read that Ruby Revue was coming to Houston, I jumped at the chance--well, they come monthly but I just didn't know that. These were real women that were performing. They had curves, some of them even had, dare I say it, flaws! ::GASP:: They were absolutely all gorgeous! And to watch them up there with all their confidence was so sexy.  At the end of the show, I wanted to go over to them and say hi, but by that point, I was a fan. I didn't know what to say and I chickened out. Haha! Well, if this ever comes across any of their desks, let me say it loud, YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL AND THANKS FOR THE SEXY FUN NIGHT!

Although I should take a moment and make it clear, the entire show wasn't fabulous. Somehow these gorgeous talented women that put the show together, really slacked off in the emcee department. The emcee was so beyond annoying and she killed the mood between every act.  I wished with every fiber of my being that I could find something to throw at her. So maybe if this does come across any of their desks, I will also say this loud, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE FIND A DIFFERENT EMCEE! ANNOYING VALLEY GIRL JUST ISN'T CUTTING IT!

Maybe more women need to see a Burlesque show like Ruby Revue's.  I bet a lot of the women there last night will run out and get their own set of pasties. I know I'm not opposed.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Thursday, The Third Day

"Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when, huh, what day? Thursday, the THIRD DAY!"
-Joey Tribbiani, Friends For those of you that don't know
**Maybe that should be my thing. Start every post off with a quote. I'm sure I'm the first person to have ever thought of this.

When I look back at today, it was a good day.  However, there were certainly some times where that might not have been the case. I considered drinking at 9:50 this morning because my boss was driving me batty.  Unless I'm on vacation (because let's be honest, all rules go out the window when I'm on vacation), I typically do not advocate drinking before noon. But today started off as one of those days. So I took a break, browsed Happy Place, zenned myself and was able to kick it back into gear for work.

Internet photo. Perfect example of how I felt this morning.

I went to lunch with some former coworkers better known as friends. We chatted about football. Well, I chatted with the guy who came to lunch about football while the other 2 girls sat there bored. We chatted about how the place where they work is still awful AKA nothing changed after I left. And then we got on an interesting middle of the work day discussion--although if you knew the guy I was with AKA the only person in my life that knows I'm writing this, this would not surprise you. We started discussing marriage, love, divorce, and religion. Yup, pretty heavy for lunch, right?  Well, since I hinted at this topic yesterday, I thought today's a good day to tackle it. It will again be some insight into who I am.

I am married. We have been married for 2 years. This September we will be celebrating our 10th anniversary together and that doesn't include the 3 months we dated before that. One can say I love love. I was always the girl that was going to get married and have 2.5 kids. It's just who I am and trust me, I am just fine with that perception.

 File photo. My husband and I... Well, he wasn't my husband yet.


Today, the question is why do I know so many people getting divorced so soon after marriage. My husband brought up a good point. The divorce rate in this country is 50%. Why should we think our friends are exempt from that?  Then there were a couple of good ones thrown out at lunch today. Is it because as a nation we have less values and morals? Is it that we don't put as much of an emphasis on religion anymore (I'm of course referring to the population outside the Bible belt and the Tea Party)? Or is it just that divorce is so easy, why not?

I should have prefaced this with the fact that my parents divorced when I was 8 years old (my mother will tell you it was when I was 10 but that's just when it was final. She left when I was 8). As an 8-year-old, I can honestly tell you that when she left I thought, "Thank goodness! I cannot live with those two anymore!" Didn't see that one coming, huh? My parents were meant to be best friends. They were not meant to be a married couple. They did an amazing job raising me together and obviously as my first thought tells you, they did an amazing job of letting me know how much they loved me, no matter what they felt towards each other. Never for a second did I think my mother was leaving me. I knew it was time for her to leave my father. I understood.


Well I've probably already rambled on for too long for a blog entry and I still haven't answered the question at hand. I guess, and I'll be brief here, I think no matter what there was always something not healthy going on with marriage and divorces. Sure today a lot more people are divorced. Maybe some of them are giving up when they should be working at it. Maybe some people never got the memo that marriage is hard and both partners need to work at it to succeed. Maybe some shouldn't have gotten married at all. Everyone has their own story. But what I know is that when divorce wasn't as easy or as accepted, people were in loveless, unhappy and/or abusive relationships. So we gave up a part of society that was suffering in silence and added to society the likes of Britney Spears being able to get married and then have it annulled just 55 hours later.

As we evolve as a society, we'll have to accept the good with the bad. Hopefully, in the end, it will all be for the improvement of society. Wow, that's a little optimistic for someone like me, but really, when it comes to love, that's exactly how I am. Definitely an optimist.

And for those people that my husband and I are close with that divorced within 2 years, they all seem happier and healthier. It seems they made the right decisions for themselves. So maybe they just fell too hard too fast for the wrong person. They just haven't found their lobster yet.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Tuesday Doesn't Have Much of a Feeling, Does It?

When I was a teenager, I used to say that Tuesday was my favorite day.  But to be honest, it was just because I felt sorry for it.  Every other day has a feeling to it--even if it's like Thursday and just mooching off of the next day's feeling.  We all know Thursdays are better because we know that tomorrow's Friday. But Tuesday, it's got nothing!  So to be different and to give it a shot, I used to say Tuesday was my favorite.  It didn't stick though.  I'm having a BLAH day on a BLAH day.



I went to the eye doctor earlier who I strongly dislike. He's a know-it-all and a sexist--a lethal combination.

My boss has been getting on my nerves.  Apparently she thinks that I can't handle the 2 jobs she's given me and she keeps bringing in reinforcements.  I HAVE TWO THINGS TO WORK ON! And 40 hours to work on them. I find this frustrating especially since I'm not too big of a fan of this Brit that she has reinforcing me. He's another know-it-all.  And who knows, maybe he's a sexist too (the jury's still out on that one and I have zero evidence to back that up).

My boss is one of those people that is really overworked and frazzled all the time.  When I first met her, I felt really terrible because trust me, she's one of the sweetest people in the world that you'd ever meet.  In fact our first conversation was over the phone and it felt like I was gossiping with one of my girlfriends.  Plus, she's a dog person and I love me some dog people!

Well, after working with her for some time, I've realized that she makes herself overworked and frazzled. I am aware that the owners at my company are not blameless, BUT trust me when I tell you, she does a lot of it to herself.  I get these emails where she's done my job rather than emails telling me to just do my job. I'm torn. I feel sorry for her because I know she makes her work her life and that her personal life is in shambles. But then, when I stop to think about it, I don't so much because I think every person is responsible for drawing his/her own line in the sand and saying, "This is as much as I can do." If she doesn't do that, does she still get my sympathy?

Speaking of personal responsibility, the hubby and I watched 60 minutes this week and saw a story on a company whose sole purpose was to forge mortgage documents. It's bizarre to me that this is a company and even more bizarre that the banks thought it was a good/legal idea to do this. But what really baffled me was that they were interviewing people who worked for the company and whose job was to sign other people's names onto these forms. I repeat, these people were hired to sign someone else's names on documents AND to notarize them. Whaaaat? Then, they sat down to be interviewed about it. On national TV. Isn't forging documents a crime? Why didn't the people actually carrying out this "work" suffer any consequences? Weird.

Perfect time for you to learn something about me: I LOVE rules! It's sick, right? But I was raised by a cop and I tend to abide by nearly all laws and rules--I don't necessarily agree with all of them but I try to stick to them as best as I can. So as I share my misadventures, you'll probably see a lot of opinions similar to the one above: "Why weren't they arrested?" "Why weren't the cops called?" etc.

And finally, here's a delicious recipe I made last night: Tilapia With Dijon and Panko Coating. I'm not a big fish eater (although having been raised in NJ and now living on the gulf, I do love shellfish) but this was delicious. You should probably be warned that I do randomly love Panko crumbs though.

Well, I know I'm just warming up here and I hope you hang in there. My life rarely has a dull moment and I have all sorts of issues. But today was just another BLAH Tuesday, so you probably got a BLAH Blog.

LYM


Monday, August 8, 2011

It Definitely Feels Like a Monday

Well, I've been thinking about this a long time and I've decided that today's the day I will start writing a blog.  What's the theme, you ask. Well, having grown up when Seinfeld ruled the television, I would have to say it is a blog about nothing.

I want to use this space to write about anything and everything that comes to my mind.  If I cook a great recipe or just find one for that matter, I will post it.  If I read something really juicy on TMZ, I'm going to talk about it here. If I get into a fight with my husband, I'm going to vent here.  Nothing's off limits--one of the main reasons I wanted this to be anonymous and why I do not intend to give my friends the link right away.

I started writing an expanded version of the About Me section but it was taking too long. If you follow this blog, it will all come. So, how about I start at the beginning. I'll tell you how a true Jersey Girl ended up in Texas.

As mentioned, I fell in love. The short story is I met this ridiculously hot guy while I was working a part time high school job at a party store. He quit; I still pined for him. And when, I was the only one left of my friends to not have a date for the senior prom, a close girlfriend of mine picked up the phone and asked him. YES, my friend asked him out for me. Well, it all worked out.  We had a great time and spent the summer before college falling in love.  I went to school in NJ and he went to school in GA.  We kept it going--in fact, it was easy for us.  We had some growing pains and broke up for a brief time while he was finishing school and after I had graduated.  When he was done, he was recruited by an oil refinery in the 'burbs of Houston. He missed me, I missed him, and after a teary-eyed screaming match, we decided to take it slow and consider getting back together. That was a Wednesday. Sunday, we were an item.

 Real file photo. This is our 3rd date at my Senior Prom.
Maybe without eyes, you can't see how ridiculously ecstatic I am.
I have no regrets from this photo--still love the dress, still love the man.
The backdrop is questionable but I didn't have a choice on that one!

So I came to Houston to be with him--after I got the engagement ring of course. I may let my heart lead the way, but I'm not stupid! I left my family behind and what was left of my friends (after 10 years out of high school, a lot of my close friends are now scattered across the country).  I was greeted by Hurricane Ike--a story for another day.  We struggled at first because we were so good at being in a long distance relationship, we weren't really sure how to be under the same roof. Hell, we had never even spent significant amounts of time in the same state by that point in our relationship!

 Real file photo. Our gorgeous wedding day. July '09 in NJ.

So here I am. In Houston. Blogging.  I hope you enjoy all my misadventures!

And, yes, if you're wondering about my title for today's post, it definitely feels like a Monday.