Heading Home for the Holiday

We're going to NJ tomorrow!!!

This will of course lead to an inevitable, "I'm homesick" post once we get back.

My head is already spinning.  We basically have plans for nearly every minute of every day we're in NJ.  We'll be there for a week.

I've been working hard to lose weight and have even lost some (and by some, I mean something worth bragging about).  I'm trying my best to go into this with the right state of mind.  Yes, I may gain some weight.  It's okay.  If I don't say that, it's a slippery slope from there.  It's okay if I gain some weight.  I will be sure to make the best decisions I can while I'm away.

FYI, I fully intend to OD on bread, sandwiches, and pizza.  Can you figure out why I already know that I'll gain some weight?

Anyway, I'm super excited to be going home for the holiday.  I haven't been home for Thanksgiving since 2008--that's pretty wild for someone that never strayed too far from home until 2008.

I'm super nervous because I have a really terrible relationship with my MIL.  In fact, I'm so nervous about how that will go over the next week (and then the month after that because she doesn't tend to let you know that she's upset and if she does it's not for weeks after), I just threw up in my mouth a little. Awesome.  My MIL stories are for another time, and there are plenty.  Let's just say that one of the last Thanksgivings I spent with her she told my mother that I was a bitch and everyone that would listen that Hubby (then boyfriend) and I should see other people. Did I mention Awesome?

So I'm sure I'll come back with lots of juicy stories.  I'll even try to write while I'm away.  Although, I'm not making any promises.  I typically only write once a week as it is.

Wish me luck and if I'm not back before Thanksgiving, Happy Turkey Day, GOBBLE GOBBLE!

Fresh Start... Again

So I decided today is going to be the first day (again) on my journey to lose weight.  What I've realized in all my journeys so far (calorie counting, cereal diet, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, etc) is that I need to slow down when it comes to weight loss.

Here's the story about how I yo-yo and how I hope to stop:

I moved to Texas in September 2008.  In the four months I was unemployed, I gained 20 pounds. This brought me to the heaviest I had ever been in my life.

I started working in January 2009.  By February, I was determined to lose the weight for my wedding in July. I was on a strict diet of cereal with fruit for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a sensible dinner. I worked out 6 days a week. And in all that time, I might have had 2-3 pieces of chocolate.

By July 18, I lost almost 30 pounds and because I was working out, I looked fit too.  My goal had been to lose 40 pounds, so I did not appreciate how great I looked.  I wanted to look like that picture of me when I was 18.

File photo. This is my husband and I on our honeymoon.

I thought I was so fat when this was shot.

That's why I'm turned to the side with my hand on my hip--all tricks of the chubby girl photo trade.

After our wedding, something inside me snapped.  I deprived myself of so many things for so long that it's all I wanted to eat. From August through December, I ate everything in sight and gained 35 pounds.  Yup, gained everything I lost and added some--just for good measure, I imagine.

This brought me to the heaviest I had ever been (again) in my life.  I had to do something fundamentally different this time.  I knew a lot of people that were very successful on Weight Watchers. So in January 2010, I joined WW. And I was good at it.  Weighing in every week really lit a spark under me.  By July, I lost 31 pounds.

I was in my best friends wedding on September 2. Because I never made it to goal, I was very much under the impression that I was still fat.  I didn't appreciate what I had accomplished and therefore had no idea that I had something to be proud of in that moment.  I was almost in tears while I was getting ready that day.  I only saw the flaws.

File photo. A shot of me and the bride AKA my best friend.

Again, I just calmed myself from a nervous breakdown when this was taken.

I thought I was so fat.

BTW, I did the bride's hair. Totally adding that to my resume!

Well, when I got back, I continued to eat and stopped being so devout to WW.  If I was already fat, what would it matter if I continued to eat?

I gained all the weight back. Every last pound.

At the beginning of this year, I considered starting over with WW. But the truth was I was very unhappy with where I was in life. No matter how much I wanted to see the number on the scale go down, I could not motivate myself to change my habits.  I eat when I'm unhappy. I was unhappy every day for the first 5 months of this year (Work related. Just couldn't beat it).

I quit my job and spent some time in limbo. No excuse for not losing weight other than I just didn't want to.  I was in another friend's wedding in July.  I lost a few pounds for that but still those pictures show the heaviest I have ever been captured on film.

 File photo. A recent shot of me at a friend's wedding.

I'm standing with an old friend of mine.

With all his weight/image issues, he's become a twig!

This does NOT help with mine.

This morning, I woke up and thought, I'm sick of this. I can't keep yo-yoing. The only thing I can think of is that I can't lose weight so quickly. Thirty pounds in 6 months is too fast and I've done that a couple of times now.  All it equates to is giving up too soon and having no self control to avoid gaining it back.

My goal that I am setting today is that I will lose 5 pounds per month.  I think this is more manageable and I can handle this.  I think at this rate I will still be able to eat my football goodies (a major weakness of mine) on Sundays and as long as I'm reasonable for the rest of the week, I can attain this goal.

So wish me luck. Because today, I'm giving myself [another] fresh start.

I'll keep you posted.