Here's the story about how I yo-yo and how I hope to stop:
I moved to Texas in September 2008. In the four months I was unemployed, I gained 20 pounds. This brought me to the heaviest I had ever been in my life.
I started working in January 2009. By February, I was determined to lose the weight for my wedding in July. I was on a strict diet of cereal with fruit for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a sensible dinner. I worked out 6 days a week. And in all that time, I might have had 2-3 pieces of chocolate.
By July 18, I lost almost 30 pounds and because I was working out, I looked fit too. My goal had been to lose 40 pounds, so I did not appreciate how great I looked. I wanted to look like that picture of me when I was 18.
File photo. This is my husband and I on our honeymoon.
I thought I was so fat when this was shot.
That's why I'm turned to the side with my hand on my hip--all tricks of the chubby girl photo trade.
After our wedding, something inside me snapped. I deprived myself of so many things for so long that it's all I wanted to eat. From August through December, I ate everything in sight and gained 35 pounds. Yup, gained everything I lost and added some--just for good measure, I imagine.
This brought me to the heaviest I had ever been (again) in my life. I had to do something fundamentally different this time. I knew a lot of people that were very successful on Weight Watchers. So in January 2010, I joined WW. And I was good at it. Weighing in every week really lit a spark under me. By July, I lost 31 pounds.
I was in my best friends wedding on September 2. Because I never made it to goal, I was very much under the impression that I was still fat. I didn't appreciate what I had accomplished and therefore had no idea that I had something to be proud of in that moment. I was almost in tears while I was getting ready that day. I only saw the flaws.
File photo. A shot of me and the bride AKA my best friend.
Again, I just calmed myself from a nervous breakdown when this was taken.
I thought I was so fat.
BTW, I did the bride's hair. Totally adding that to my resume!
Well, when I got back, I continued to eat and stopped being so devout to WW. If I was already fat, what would it matter if I continued to eat?
I gained all the weight back. Every last pound.
At the beginning of this year, I considered starting over with WW. But the truth was I was very unhappy with where I was in life. No matter how much I wanted to see the number on the scale go down, I could not motivate myself to change my habits. I eat when I'm unhappy. I was unhappy every day for the first 5 months of this year (Work related. Just couldn't beat it).
I quit my job and spent some time in limbo. No excuse for not losing weight other than I just didn't want to. I was in another friend's wedding in July. I lost a few pounds for that but still those pictures show the heaviest I have ever been captured on film.
File photo. A recent shot of me at a friend's wedding.
I'm standing with an old friend of mine.
With all his weight/image issues, he's become a twig!
This does NOT help with mine.
This morning, I woke up and thought, I'm sick of this. I can't keep yo-yoing. The only thing I can think of is that I can't lose weight so quickly. Thirty pounds in 6 months is too fast and I've done that a couple of times now. All it equates to is giving up too soon and having no self control to avoid gaining it back.
My goal that I am setting today is that I will lose 5 pounds per month. I think this is more manageable and I can handle this. I think at this rate I will still be able to eat my football goodies (a major weakness of mine) on Sundays and as long as I'm reasonable for the rest of the week, I can attain this goal.
So wish me luck. Because today, I'm giving myself [another] fresh start.
I'll keep you posted.
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