Still No Clue What I Want to be When I Grow Up

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
 George Eliot

At 28, I might be going through some sort of life crisis.  I pretty much have a new idea of what I want to be when I grow up once a week.  There are a core few that I always return to, but let's be honest. I don't know too many kids that say "When I grow up, I want to be a recruiter!"

The only thing I've ever wanted to be was a mother. Well, that and an Academy Award winning actress. So career dreams were pushed aside.  I always knew that my work was never going to be as important to me as my family.  I guess it was hard to motivate myself to focus on a career knowing that if I ever needed to, I would drop it in a second.

So, one of the things that I always go back to is a photographer.  It varies what kind of a photographer--usually either a wedding photographer or a photojournalist or of course, a celebrity photographer (like Annie Leibovitz not like a paparazza).

I've had a passion for photography for a long time.  I took classes with a wonderful teacher in high school.  I learned a lot and had a lot of fun.  As soon as I started taking photography classes, I began to see everything in pictures.  I see the shot in every scenario, but unfortunately, I don't have my camera with me all the time and miss a lot of the good ones.

I brought my camera with me this weekend and took some pictures while on the St. Arnold's Galveston Pub Crawl.  The lighting in this bar was so cool and I knew that someone without a background in photography wouldn't appreciate it.  The pictures below were taken naturally, no filters or manipulation after the fact.

File photos. What do you think? Any raw talent there?

I've always been creative--please do not mistake creative for talented. After starting college with plans to study Math, I told my mother that I wanted to study photography. Let's just say during our screaming match, I wasn't too far from being left on the side of the NJ Turnpike.  I understand she was only doing what she thought was best for me. That's a tale for another day...

Today, I signed up for a photography class.  It's another intro. Last I took a photography class was 7 years ago. I can use the refresher.  Once I signed up today, I became really excited.  I'd really like to hone my skills and hopefully even learn to take good pictures of humans (currently my specialties are landscapes and pet photography).
 
So, maybe I can be a photographer when I grow up...

I also have a wedding planner venture going on--even have a client.

Oh, and I came up with an idea for a really great website. I just need to come up with a business plan.

And not sure if you heard, but I'm also giving writing a try.  Once I'm discovered, I have THE BEST name for my memoir. I'm keeping that one just for me though.

So this is my somewhere between quarter-life and mid-life crisis.  I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life... or at least until babies come along.

TANGENT/SHAMELESS PLUG: I got to thinking how this class could possibly be another Fresh Start... Again. And since I brought it up, for those of you wondering, I did lose some weight in my first week of doing it my way. It was less than a pound and I'm really proud of myself! I'm just going to keep on keeping on. 

Finally just for fun:
I wanna have boobies... Yeah, I went there. And, by the way, I'm not as big of a PCD fan as my blog makes seem to be!

No, Not My Hometown!

The other day, in honor of my home state, I posted some pictures that I took of the Jersey Shore.  The warnings were severe for Irene. There were mandatory evacuations throughout the state.  Now that I live in the Gulf, I was hesitant to believe all the hype.  Was it really going to be that bad or was the media sensationalizing it for ratings? I couldn't decide.  The more I thought about it though, the more I defended the East Coast.

Yes, when it "snows" (read that as light dusting) in Houston, I've laughed how the entire city shuts down.  But this last winter, which was brutal for everyone but in particular hit the East Coast pretty hard, someone pointed out that Houston doesn't have anything to prepare for big snowfall.  So, yeah, the city shuts down for just over an inch of snow but there's no way to plow/salt the roads and there are A LOT of inexperienced snow drivers in the area.  It finally hit me.  Pretty much, Houston has to shut down.

 Internet Photo. I couldn't resist a Houston dog sitting in snow.

Yes, Northeasterners, this is what I'm referencing that shuts down the city.

But I repeat, if not prepared, what else should we expect?

Well, the same can be said for the parts of the East Coast that were hit with Irene.  I never knew what hurricane season was until I moved to the Gulf.  There's no preparation back home like there is here.  We have supplies for a hurricane in our house; we have hurricane boards measured for our windows; we will soon have a generator.  These concepts were completely foreign to me until I moved here--and I'm typically prepared for the unexpected!

I spent most of Saturday defending the evacuations and reactions of the East Coast.  "Sure Manhattan evacuated, it IS an island!"  "This isn't something that typically happens. They're not prepared." Etc, etc, etc.

We watched the coverage on Saturday night.  Irene seemed to be a bit less of a bitch than originally thought.  She hit North Carolina at a Category 1.  Knowing that Ike was a Category 3--while yes, it was severe, it wasn't as bad as it could have been--I assumed this meant the East Coast was relatively safe.

By the time I woke up Sunday morning, I had essentially pushed it out of my head.  And then I started trolling Facebook.  That's when I saw this picture of the Garden State Parkway at the exit that runs through my hometown.

 Internet Photo. The shot that made me realize how bad Irene had hit the town I love most in the world.

I had never seen the Parkway flood before.  I started to panic.  I called my father and found out that his house was under water.  He went through a wide range of emotions in the short time we were on the phone. Anger. Sadness. Acceptance. He said that he was one of the "lucky" ones on his block because the water didn't hit his first floor.  At the time I spoke with him, the water was a foot shy of the first floor and he wasn't sure if it was going to continue to rise.  He told me that the water went way farther out than Hurricane Floyd.

 File Photo. My father's house.

He took this as a neighbor was canoeing him over to the house to see the damage.

I started calling friends.  Most of my friends are out of my hometown now but their parents still live in the houses they grew up in.  These are the houses I know. The ones that we have so many memories in.  Some friends were spared.  Others were not.

 Internet Photo. Of all the shots I saw online, this one I found the most chilling.

The river just expanded all the way through town.

The police station had to be evacuated.

I went online this morning and looked through photos of my hometown.  It was really sad to see.  I think that it's normal to have a genuine love for where you grew up.  But I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes when I looked at the downtown.  I grew up in such a wonderful place and although I decided to move away (Note: this choice was made due to circumstances. It's still my favorite place on Earth), it broke my heart to see the town in so much despair.  There are supposed to be generations after me making their own memories on the same wonderful streets.

Irene may not be categorized as a Katrina or an Ike but for the families back home, it's all too real destruction.  If you happen to be reading this from a place that typically gets hit by severe hurricanes, please understand that there are a lot of small towns that make up the Mid-Atlantic and New England. Sure, New York City didn't get hit as badly as everyone feared, and that seems to be what the national news is reporting. But remember, there are a lot of people in those small towns that did get hit really hard.  My heart goes out to them--those I know and those I've never crossed paths with.

No, Not the Jersey Shore!

Just sharing a few shots from my trip to the Jersey Shore in July. Stay safe, Jersey! Hoping Irene won't turn out to be as big of a bitch as they're saying.

 

This has been stuck in my head since I saw someone write Come On, Irene.

It's Barely Lunchtime & I'm Already Over Today

So, BIG NEWS! I told my husband that this blog exists.  Yes, for the last two weeks, I didn't tell him because I planned to use this as an outlet for when I'm frustrated with him--he's very sensitive and I would never hear the end of it if he read anything less than flattering about himself--and of course, his mother. Now, we haven't touched upon that issue but that most certainly will be a big one.  Maybe one day, when I have the energy to write about the hurtful things that have happened to me over the last 10 years.  Let's just say, those of you reading this may be a fan, but she is NOT a fan of me.  This has little to do with me and more to do with the fact that I "stole her only son." Oh, Cheeses!

Anyway, to get to why my Friday--undoubtedly the best day of the week--has shaped up to be one I can't wait to be over.  I had a few things to do this morning before I began work.  My dog, Nikki, had to go for her 2nd shot for a vaccination. Well, she was supposed to go Tuesday but I didn't know that until Tuesday.  Side note: Apparently the Reminder call from my vet comes on the same day the shot is due. Awesome. Anyway, I have two dogs, and I love them a lot <--- Bit of an understatement.  So when I have to take one of them to the vet, that means one of them has to stay behind.  So in my best effort to trick Stella, I filled her bone with peanut butter, grabbed my purse, and scurried out the door where Nikki was waiting for me. Not until I closed the door tightly behind me did I think, Are my keys in my purse? But as soon as I thought it, I knew the answer.

So, my keys and Stella were in the house and purse, cell phone and Nikki were outside with me. While I still had that bad gut feeling, I knew there was nothing to worry about. My husband has a spare key hidden in the garage. So I walk around to the front of the garage, type in the code, press Enter, and NOTHING. Oh, I must have thought of the wrong code. So I tried another one. NOTHING. This is a joke, right? Maybe I'm on Candid Camera (THROWBACK. For those of you younger than me, that's like Punk'd only without Ashton Kutcher and his celebrity friends). So I look at Nikki and she's just wagging her tail at me. She's precious. I try a couple of more times and still nothing.

 File photo. This is Stella asking, 

"Hey, why aren't you guys in here? 

Or even better, why aren't I out there playing with you two?"

I walk back to the yard where my purse is and call my husband. I must have the code wrong and besides, I was going to have to call him anyway because I have no idea where the key's hidden once in the garage. He spits out the same code back to me that I already tried. Uh, oh. I try several more times. My fake nails begin hurting because of the way I'm jabbing them into the numbers. NOTHING.

Thank goodness, last year, we were late getting home one night and asked AMAZING friends of ours to let the dogs out. To do this, we walked them through getting in the garage and getting the key. When all was said and done, I told them to keep the key. We had plenty of extras and it was just the better bet.  So I called her up, she had one strange looking key on her ring that she couldn't identify and over she came. To save our day.

It was the right key. Wouldn't that be an awful twist if after I call my friend to come over before work to let me in the house, she makes the trip to find out it's not the key at all? I guess that experience could have been worse.

So away we went to the vet. Nikki hopped into the car completely unsuspecting. She's so sweet and it kills me when she gets excited to go out but really we're going to the vet. We get to the vet, and there's a beautiful dog already in the waiting room. I ask the owner if it's okay to approach. She says of course. The dogs start sniffing each other--seems to be going well. And then BAM! I have no idea what happened but they ended up in a scuffle. I wouldn't say a fight but still. I could have done without this. We pull them apart. They go in the back.

When we get called, Nikki is terrified. She shakes like a leaf. I have no idea why. She's been scared since the very first time I ever brought her. She gets a couple of shots but other than that she barely gets touched. When she was 3 months old and just 20 lbs, I brought her for her checkup when we first adopted her. She was on the table because she was so little then. She LITERALLY leaped into my arms. I was holding her like a baby that's being burped. If you haven't figured it out, she's a bit of a Mama's girl.

So she gets her booster for the vaccination and away we go. She gets in the car lays down (usually she begs for the window to be opened) with her back to me. She's mad at me. Now, if you think I'm crazy, I assure you, Nikki is just like her Mama (me). She wears all her feelings right on her face. She was mad at me and this was her telling me she wasn't speaking to me. It just breaks my heart.

File photo.  This is a shot of Nikki after the first time I took a long weekend to NJ.

Notice her expression, she is MAD that I left her.

You can't tell me this girl doesn't know how to express her feelings.

We get back home. I barely make it in time for my 10 o'clock call. And then my workday is finally beginning.  I've busted my hump all week and I'm just NOT in the mood for it today. It would have been nice when my friend opened my door if I could have just walked right passed her and gotten right back into bed.

Well, here's hoping to a better weekend... TGIF

A Glimpse into a Chubby Transplant's Past

This morning, my radio show had a really interesting topic.  Well, at least it was interesting to me.  They said that the students that are going off to college this fall as Freshman were born in 1993.  Ok, first may I say, GROSS.  But their point was that this was the same year that Michael Jordan retired from basketball.  These teenagers have never watched a game where Michael Jordan played.  Weird.

Here is a list of some of the topics discussed on the '93 episode of VH1s I Love the '90s (from Wikipedia) along with my personal opinion--I mean hey, it is my blog:

• Jurassic Park  I went through a pretty serious Jurassic Park phase. The triceratops was my favorite dinosaur, and as a spoiled only child, I almost immediately had a ton of triceratops crap.
• Where's Waldo? When I just looked this up, it was news to me that Where's Waldo? started in 1993. As far as I was concerned until about 5 minutes ago, a world didn't exist without Where's Waldo? I spent a LOT of time looking for that goofy striped-shirt geek. And honestly, even at this age, if I see a book at a doctor's office, I can't resist.
• Martin I LOVED this show. Like a LOT. Whenever I see Tisha Campbell (had to look up her name as I write this), I always immediately think, 'Hey, that's Martin's wife."
• Free Willy Ummm, can you say obsessed? I still now every word to this song.
• John and Lorena Bobbitt I probably shouldn't know this since I was only 10. But my mother's a cop and I'm an old soul. So basically, I know a lot about major crime stories from the '90s. Still not sure I can blame Lorena...
• Blind Melon's "No Rain" I don't know if this is a Houston thing but I still hear this song on the radio. Is it really 18 years old? And by the way, that bumble bee girl is a grown up now too.
• The Waco Siege Again, I know too much about news stories when I was young. But I've learned more as an adult. I took a class in college on cults and we covered it there. And of course, I've seen my share of true crime shows based on it.
• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers I remember thinking I was soooo old for them. That makes me laugh.
• Crystal Pepsi (originally introduced in 1992) Listen, when it comes to Coke or Pepsi, I'm a Pepsi fan all the way. It's like that Dos Equis commercial, I don't always drink soda, but when I do, I drink Pepsi. So I tried Clear Pepsi when it came out. I was sick (unrelated) but always associated the burning sensation down my throat with the soda rather than my illness. I never bought it again. And I guess neither did a lot of other people. 

 My awesome '93 Collage that I made for the post. I'm so talented.

So there's a glimpse into my world in 1993. For the record, my favorite song of '93.

So, babies born that year are now headed to college.  Ten years ago this month, most of my friends and I were going off to college. I cannot believe it's been 10 years. I remember that summer like it was yesterday.  Some of the most fun I've ever had happened that summer.  And of course, it was the summer I fell in love with the man I would eventually marry.

 File photo. Class of 2001.

That's me in the 2nd row with the shades on.

You know, the one without the face blacked out.

How the hell did time go so fast?

Here's the Wikipedia list from VH1s I Love the New Millennium (I must have been off of VH1 by the time this was out because I didn't know it existed) for 2001 plus my 2 cents:

• Zoolander Definitely still one of my favorite movies. My husband and I quote it often. "Is this a center for ants? It's needs to be at least 3x bigger than this!"
• Live with Regis and Kelly  I heart Kelly. Never really a fan of Kathy Lee. Maybe it's a generational thing.
• Low-rise jeans The worst thing that could ever happen to a girl with a curvy body. These damn things didn't help my image issues at all.
• Fear Factor Gross. Never a fan of this show.
• Pearl Harbor Part of that awesome summer included this movie. I tried to watch it the other night and my husband complained the whole time. Still don't know if it holds up 10 years later. He made me change the channel.
• iPods Yeah, I had one of the originals--purchased in 2002 though. It was part of the battery class-action lawsuit.
• The Weakest Link Wasn't a big fan of the show but enjoy some good trivia and watched my fair share of episodes.
• Moulin Rouge! Nope. Didn't like. Had a lot going for it--same director as one of my absolute favorite movies, Romeo + Juliet, 80s music. But just wasn't a fan. My husband, however, definitely a fan. Good thing this is anonymous. He would not approve that I just wrote that.
• Mýa, Pink, Lil' Kim, & Christina Aguilera's "Lady Marmalade" BEST THING THAT CAME FROM THAT MOVIE! LOVE!
• Winona Ryder shoplifts Definitely remember this. Never really had an opinion. As a strict rule follower, the only thing I ever shoplifted was a plastic ring that was part of a plastic horse doll toy. I was 5 and remember it, so what does that tell you about how I felt about it?
• Shaggy & RikRok's "It Wasn't Me" Can picture myself driving to the party store that I was working at at the time in the Mustang and this playing. It's funny how music can take you back like that, right?
• America comes together following 9/11 This was a very difficult time for me. I will probably do a post on this around the anniversary.

FUN FACT: While looking up 2001, I found that Wikipedia was created that year. How appropriate.

Also, here's my favorite #1 single of 2001. And in case your judging, yes, that made me laugh too.

Well, feel free to share any memories from those two years.  I had fun with this post. I may just do it again.

Fresh Start... Again

So I decided today is going to be the first day (again) on my journey to lose weight.  What I've realized in all my journeys so far (calorie counting, cereal diet, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, etc) is that I need to slow down when it comes to weight loss.

Here's the story about how I yo-yo and how I hope to stop:

I moved to Texas in September 2008.  In the four months I was unemployed, I gained 20 pounds. This brought me to the heaviest I had ever been in my life.

I started working in January 2009.  By February, I was determined to lose the weight for my wedding in July. I was on a strict diet of cereal with fruit for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a sensible dinner. I worked out 6 days a week. And in all that time, I might have had 2-3 pieces of chocolate.

By July 18, I lost almost 30 pounds and because I was working out, I looked fit too.  My goal had been to lose 40 pounds, so I did not appreciate how great I looked.  I wanted to look like that picture of me when I was 18.

File photo. This is my husband and I on our honeymoon.

I thought I was so fat when this was shot.

That's why I'm turned to the side with my hand on my hip--all tricks of the chubby girl photo trade.

After our wedding, something inside me snapped.  I deprived myself of so many things for so long that it's all I wanted to eat. From August through December, I ate everything in sight and gained 35 pounds.  Yup, gained everything I lost and added some--just for good measure, I imagine.

This brought me to the heaviest I had ever been (again) in my life.  I had to do something fundamentally different this time.  I knew a lot of people that were very successful on Weight Watchers. So in January 2010, I joined WW. And I was good at it.  Weighing in every week really lit a spark under me.  By July, I lost 31 pounds.

I was in my best friends wedding on September 2. Because I never made it to goal, I was very much under the impression that I was still fat.  I didn't appreciate what I had accomplished and therefore had no idea that I had something to be proud of in that moment.  I was almost in tears while I was getting ready that day.  I only saw the flaws.

File photo. A shot of me and the bride AKA my best friend.

Again, I just calmed myself from a nervous breakdown when this was taken.

I thought I was so fat.

BTW, I did the bride's hair. Totally adding that to my resume!

Well, when I got back, I continued to eat and stopped being so devout to WW.  If I was already fat, what would it matter if I continued to eat?

I gained all the weight back. Every last pound.

At the beginning of this year, I considered starting over with WW. But the truth was I was very unhappy with where I was in life. No matter how much I wanted to see the number on the scale go down, I could not motivate myself to change my habits.  I eat when I'm unhappy. I was unhappy every day for the first 5 months of this year (Work related. Just couldn't beat it).

I quit my job and spent some time in limbo. No excuse for not losing weight other than I just didn't want to.  I was in another friend's wedding in July.  I lost a few pounds for that but still those pictures show the heaviest I have ever been captured on film.

 File photo. A recent shot of me at a friend's wedding.

I'm standing with an old friend of mine.

With all his weight/image issues, he's become a twig!

This does NOT help with mine.

This morning, I woke up and thought, I'm sick of this. I can't keep yo-yoing. The only thing I can think of is that I can't lose weight so quickly. Thirty pounds in 6 months is too fast and I've done that a couple of times now.  All it equates to is giving up too soon and having no self control to avoid gaining it back.

My goal that I am setting today is that I will lose 5 pounds per month.  I think this is more manageable and I can handle this.  I think at this rate I will still be able to eat my football goodies (a major weakness of mine) on Sundays and as long as I'm reasonable for the rest of the week, I can attain this goal.

So wish me luck. Because today, I'm giving myself [another] fresh start.

I'll keep you posted.

What Being a Grown Up Means

One of the ways I think my in-laws screwed up my husband (get used to hearing that) is that he's a grown man and he still does a lot of things that he's "supposed" to do but that he doesn't want to do. I think it's kind of bizarre although maybe this is just the way my parents screwed me up... Nah, it's definitely them.

 File photo. My husband (center) and In-Laws.

Not sure if you can tell, but seriously, my husband is HOT!

I was raised so that I would want to do things that I'm supposed to do.  Maybe this isn't true 100% of the time but doesn't that just make me human. I guess there are the occasions when I take the high road even though I don't want to but that's just good social skills.  Sometimes I don't do things that I'm supposed to do because I don't want to.  Here's the weird thing, the world keeps turning and the birds keep chirping.  Weird.  

So, last night, we watched The King's Speech. Not because he or I wanted to see it but because he thought he was supposed to see it.  It won the Academy Award for best picture last year--that's always a big one for him.  See, we're not exactly the intellectual type when it comes to our movie watching and we often do not like the movies that get all the critical acclaim.  Some of our favorite movies are Anchorman, Waiting, Bad Boys, and Iron Man.  That's not to say that we don't like our occasional heavy drama--The Departed is up their tied for my favorite movie of all time with Forrest Gump. It's more to say that we're not likely to go see some artsy-fartsy movie by choice.  But there we were watching this slow, dialogue-heavy movie (the cinematography was incredible. The photographer inside me found it distracting).  Now it wasn't bad. In fact, I have a mini-crush on the royal family, so I was definitely more interested when I realized it was about Queen Elizabeth's father.  But still, I could have been happy the rest of my life having never seen it.

Internet Photo. This is a still from The King's Speech.

This is how the movie was shot.

The whole movie could have been still after still and then you watch the movie with a flip book.

Beautiful photography. I found it distracting in a movie.

Now this doesn't just happen with movies.  If that was all, it wouldn't be a topic worth typing about now would it?  The big one is with food.  Yes, I am chubby.  But my husband is a skinny twig with poor self-image issues (I assume just another way my in-laws screwed him up. Because as you've read, my self-image issues are most certainly attributed to my parents).  Folks, the truth is I live with a Food Nazi.

My husband one time brought home Brussels sprouts from the super market when I left the side dishes up to him.  I don't like Brussels sprouts. He doesn't like Brussels sprouts. He said we're supposed to eat them because they're good for us.  Let me take a moment to point out that I eat a lot of vegetables.  These were not brought home in place of some non-balanced meal that we would have otherwise eaten.  No, he brought them home because we're supposed to eat them.

We're also not supposed to eat non-breakfast foods for breakfast.  Some days I don't feel like eating breakfast food. I was never a big fan of waffles or pancakes.  Once in a while, I can go for some eggs. I usually eat cereal. But some mornings, I don't want any of that. So I'll eat some left overs from dinner the night before or a Lean Cuisine. This is not allowed when the husband is home. Side note: Breakfast food can be eaten at any time of the day.

One time when I was still living in NJ and he was living in TX, he called me at dinner.  I had just sat down with my stuffing and green beans.  Horrified, he told me, "Those are just sides!" Yeah, I know. But that's what I like so that's what I made.  Needless to say, since moving to TX I've only had "just the sides" for dinner on nights he didn't make it home.

He also does this weird thing with family.  Here's my thing about family.  As I mention in my About Me section, I come from two pretty dysfunctional extended families.  To me family isn't defined by the blood that runs through your veins but by the relationship you have with these people.  I have a lot of blood-family that I could run into on the street and never know it.  I also have a lot of friends that I consider family--far more of them than blood-family that I consider family.

My husband has some distant relatives that lives in Houston.  He doesn't know them at all. I'm pretty sure that they never met. They certainly weren't at our wedding although I am uncertain if they were even invited.  He's been talking about how we have to go see them because they're family.  Essentially, what I've been hearing is that we have to go meet these strangers.  They've never had a relationship before and I'm sure this wouldn't spark one up.  So, my husband has been telling me that we "are supposed to" go have one terribly awkward night.

I tell him constantly that being an adult means you can do what you want.  We're in this glorious time of our life between living with parents who are telling us what to do and living with children where we have to set good examples.  If I want to have a bowl of ice cream before dinner, Hell, if I want a bowl of ice cream FOR dinner, I can have it. I'm a grown up and I can do what I want.

 Internet photo. Yeah, I would definitely have that for dinner.

I almost titled this post Ice Cream for Dinner but changed my mind because I thought it gave away the ending. But then I realized I think that would make an awesome band name. I CALL IT!