Misadventures in Making Myself a Better Person

I've recently been making decisions to make myself a "better" person.  One of these things is to be more creative.  So, I enrolled in a photography class.

But it's me, so there was no way it could have gone smoothly.

I'm not taking the photography class anymore.  Yes, just a few posts ago, I wrote about how excited I was and today, I'm telling you I withdrew from the class.

The difference is that I went to the instructor's own website.  Don't ask why I didn't think to do this before.  I guess I just assumed the instructor would be talented.  I still strive today to be like my photography teachers and professors that I had while I was in the past.

I don't know if it's appropriate to share the photographer's website, especially since I'm about to say some not so great things about his work. So, I'll leave you with this image: Think about the shots you took when you were a kid. Heads were chopped off, fingers were in the way, etc. The "art" in those shots are comparable to the art that's displayed on this man's website.

So, I showed my friend that was taking the class with me the site. She too was shocked. We decided that there was no way we were going to be able to take this man's class seriously. We called to withdraw from the class.

My friend was on the phone for about 3-4 minutes. Withdrawn.

I called, requested to withdraw and the following 15-minute conversation ensued:

Note: ::Inner monologue::

School Rep: Why are you withdrawing?  
::Great. How can I put this delicately? Ummm, you're instructor's a joke::
Me: Well, I did some research on the instructor and found his personal website. I just don't think his work is in line with what I would like to do.
School Rep: What was the website?
Me: blahblahblah.com
School Rep: Can you hold for a minute?
Me: Sure.
Approximately 30 seconds of holding
School Rep: Do you mind speaking with the instructor's boss?
Me: Sure ::Great. This is escalating. This could only happen to me::

Head of Dept: Hello.
::Yes, this is how he started. I thought, is he going to say something? Does he know why I'm on the phone with him?::
Me: Hi, this is blah blah. I was speaking to the representative to withdraw from the photography class.
Head of Dept: Would you mind explaining to me why you're withdrawing?
Me: Well, I came across the instructors website and just don't think that his work is in line with what I would like to do with my photography.
Head of Dept: What was the website?
Me: blahblahblah.com
Head of Dept: mumble mumble mumble ::I could tell he wasn't on the right site, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.::
Me: So, you see how most of his work is just point-and-shoot, right? This just isn't the type of class I was looking for.
Head of Dept: What kind of class were you looking for?
Me: I was expecting a class that was more, ummm, artsy. ::How can I delicately put that this photographer's work is not as good as mine? I'm hoping to learn in my class not teach the instructor::
Head of Dept: Oh, well. So-and-so is a renowned Houston photographer.
Me: Well, I assume he's putting his best work on the website and this just isn't something I was looking for. I have a camera worth a $1000 and want to learn the proper way to shoot with it. ::He has his camera set to all auto-settings and he's just framing the shot in the center and clicking a button! He would produce the same work with one of those disposable cameras::
Head of Dept: Oh, okay. Well, thanks for letting me know.


10 minutes later my phone rings.
Head of Dept: Hi, I just wanted to let you know that the photographer's website is blahblahblah.com.
Me: Yes, I know. That's the site I was on. ::I KNEW IT! I could tell he was on the wrong site. I can't believe he's calling me back thinking that this work is better? Do not even want to see what site he was on before::
Head of Dept: Oh, okay. Well sorry for bothering you.

Rather than just leaving it there, I decided I was going to be "helpful". To do this, I emailed him a list of sites of photographers I like and those that I have hired.  I assumed he would see the VAST difference in technique and just drop it.  I explained that I aspired to be like photographers I would hire.

He wrote back and said that the photographer takes his students out of the classroom and shoots with them.  He also thought a conversation with the instructor would help.  Whaaaat? How do either of those things make a difference? The photographers I sent have beautiful skills and technique. This guy's taking shots I took when I was 7.

After all these attempts, he wasn't getting it.  So in my final email, I had to come out and say it. I just didn't like his work.  I couldn't take a class where I didn't respect the instructor's work PERIOD

So now my husband thinks I'm a quitter--did I mention he doesn't have an artful eye? Even showing him the photographer's website all he could say was "Does he only shoot women?" Ahh, my husband. So insightful.

I'm keeping my eyes open for another class but also picked up a very thorough instruction book. I might just start assigning myself some projects and see how they go.

So in typical Chubby Transplant fashion, MISSION: TEMPORARILY ON HOLD DUE TO RIDICULOUSNESS AROUND ME

I Used to Write Poetry

I wrote this late Sunday night.  Ironically, it's almost poetic. <--- Don't read that as groundbreaking or talented. I'm just saying it has a flow to it like poetry.


My husband had never seen Basketball Diaries, so we watched that tonight. I've seen it before. It's a pretty good movie. Something he definitely should have seen. And let's be honest, my crush on Leonardo DiCaprio has only gotten bigger over all these years.


I couldn't help but think while watching it, I used to write poetry.


I used to write poetry.


I used to draw.


I used to be so creative.

When did I stop? Why did I stop?


Is this one of those awful side effects to being an adult?  All of a sudden I had to stop being creative.


I can't believe I stopped writing poetry.  I used to be really proud of the poetry I wrote.  I used to think it was such a great way to express myself.


Why don't I write poetry any more?  Why aren't I creative any more?


I just let this part of me disappear. I never fought for it. I just let it go.


In a lot of ways, I haven't changed at all.  But in a lot of different ways, I can't even recognize myself.


Oh, this life crisis is really getting to me.

Well, to continue on int his fight for creativity, I bought some sketch pads and charcoal and drew this last night:

 This is my version of the Born to Run album cover.

It's something I wanted to do since the Big Man passed away.

Last night, I finally did it. 

So in the last month, in my quest to bring creativity back to my life, I started a blog, signed up for a photography class, and began drawing again.  I might just be heading in the right direction.

Update to Fresh Start... Again: In week 2, I LOST .2 pounds. That was one of the first times ever in my life I saw that size fraction of a pound and was so happy/proud of myself.  This is the whole point of what I'm doing. I want to celebrate the little things and be proud of myself for them. Last week, I was proud I lost .2 pounds. And I was even more proud of myself for being proud of myself.